


Would You Have Me

by PutMeBackInCoach



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Language (mild cursing), M/M, Song fic, betty by taylor swift, fellas its gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28863093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PutMeBackInCoach/pseuds/PutMeBackInCoach
Summary: Alex and Luke navigate dating in the 90's. Inspired by "Betty" by Taylor Swift.
Relationships: Luke Patterson/Alex Mercer
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	Would You Have Me

Alex was known to cry. He struggled with anxiety and change, and he took it out by crying into a pillow on his bed after the dance the last week of school. He left without a trace. Reggie nor Bobby would come looking, nor Luke. Alex especially hoped Luke wouldn’t notice. Luke was free to do whatever he wanted and if he wanted to dance with a really pretty girl at the school dance to the song that Alex and Luke had deemed their song after hearing it on the radio on a rainy night where they danced and crashed in the studio together, then so be it. Alex couldn’t be mad. He was the one that ended things. But it wasn’t like he wanted to. He never knew a broken heart felt so deadly.

It was Luke, Luke who he had fallen in love with, and Alex was prepared for the possibility it wouldn’t last, but he never thought he himself would be the one to end things. He cried harder on his pillow. He never wanted to end things, but it was too hard, sneaking around his family, desperately trying not to out himself, and Alex thought he could make a post-relationship relationship with Luke work. They were in a band together, after all, a really good band. Neither of them would abandon it after all they worked for. They cared too much. That was the problem. Now the prospect of even seeing Luke at band practice nauseated Alex. He cried harder, feeling those chills that wove their way through the very fibers of his bones and muscles spread through his whole body. 

There was a knock on his bedroom door, and Alex’s little sister Katy walked in, the landline close to her chest.

“What?” Alex whispered, cowering his face behind the pillow. He wasn’t ashamed of crying. He just didn’t want to explain to her why.

“It’s Reggie,” said Katy. “He’s asking for you.”

“Tell him I’m not here,” Alex said. “I don’t wanna talk to anyone.”

“What’s going on?” she asked him.

“Katy, I just said—”

“He just said he’s not here,” Katy said into the phone. “Here.” She handed the phone to Alex. He angrily took it and Katy left.

“Hello?” he whispered. He wanted to hide any inclination in his voice that he’d been crying. 

“Alex?” Reggie said. Some jumbling happened on the other end and he heard his friends shuffling around.

“Alex,” said a familiar voice. “Um, it’s Luke…” Alex couldn’t bear it. Hearing Luke’s voice made it all the worse. Alex could go through this by himself, but now Luke knew how he was feeling and he was going to get involved. Everything would be messy, just because of Alex’s stupid heart. Luke could have known everything. Alex wasn’t the kind to be rude but he hung up the phone without a word.

He grabbed his hoodie and his drumsticks and snuck off to the studio. The guys would likely come to his house next and not being there would buy Alex some time. The walk helped him clear his head. But not well enough, because he could still see Luke’s contented face holding that girl close, dancing with her like they used to. If he thought hard enough about it, Alex could still feel the warmth of Luke’s hands around his neck, occasionally playing with the bottom of his hair. He tried to shake the feeling. Fuck Luke’s hands and the warmth they gave, fuck his arms which held Alex close, and fuck Luke’s heart for making Alex love him so. 

He paced around the studio for a little while. He wanted to wail it out on the drums but any song he could have played was of course, written by Luke, and he just needed Luke out of his head and out of his heart. This was unbearable. He sat at the drums, and twirled his fingers around the cymbals. He started with a lighter tune, something unfamiliar, just improvising, and added to it. It had been nearly an hour he had been doing this before the garage door opened. Alex braced himself for the worst. But it was just Reggie.

“Hey,” Reggie said. “We went to your house and you weren’t there.”

“Yeah, I just, uh, needed some air,” Alex nodded, sure of his answer. He was hoping that would suffice. It was technically true. It just wasn’t the whole thing.

“What happened? You left the dance so fast,” he said. “We got worried.”

“Luke didn’t seem too worried.” He could hardly bring himself to think it; saying it was…it made everything feel so real. Reggie led Alex to the tattered old, lumpy couch. They would have to replace it at some point.

“Is this really about Luke?” Reggie asked. The question was all Alex needed to burst into tears again.

“I know it’s stupid,” Alex said. “And I know I broke up with him, but it was just, I just.” He didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t because he stopped loving Luke. He knew part of him would always love Luke. They were best friends before anything else, and that made it so much harder. “It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with him. It was everything else. The sneaking around, the hiding, the lying to my family, the consequences if I had to be honest with them. It was too much for me, and I didn’t want to bring Luke into it.”

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Reggie said. “I wish I could understand.”

“You really don’t, Reg,” Alex sobbed. “It hurts like hell.” Reggie was at a loss. How the two most loving people he knew could cause so much pain for each other was beyond him. There was so much Luke had told him that he wanted to tell Alex, but Reggie wasn’t sure he wanted to complicate things any further. Alex broke up with Luke for a reason. “Just seeing him dance with her, looking at her like he used to look at me. It hurts so bad, Reggie. I like, can’t even put into words what it feels like. I didn’t know a heart could actually feel so heavy.” Reggie pulled his friend closer, rubbing his back in the motions that usually helped when Alex panicked. Heartache and panic were so different, but Reggie didn’t know what else to do for his friend.

“Are you gonna leave the band?” Reggie asked fearfully.

“I’d never,” Alex said. “I’m really trying to move past this. But, it’s hard.”

“I know,” said Reggie. “I just don’t want the band to fall apart. You guys are kinda the only family I have.” Alex remembered the nights Reggie crashed in the garage to escape his tumultuous home life, his parents constantly fighting. Often in the mornings the guys would find Reggie on that tattered old couch, all curled up, his hoodie his only blanket. It had been happening more and more recently. 

“I know. Unfortunately, I care too much about this band to leave,” Alex started to smile. He leaned on Reggie’s shoulder, familiar, warm, and inviting. “I just need some time. My family’s going away for the summer, to a log cabin in New York. I think the time and space to clear all of this out of my head is what I need. I’ll be back the week before school as a new man.”

And that’s kind of what happened. Alex made it through the last week of school avoiding any alone time with Luke at all costs, including faking having food poisoning once. He was pretty sure the guys could see right through him, but he hardly cared. He zipped out of Los Angeles to the log cabin in New York without much of a word. Just a casual mention at band practice the night before. And he was glad to be gone. Luke would be out of sight, thus out of mind. And that’s what Alex needed.

Luke wasn’t okay with this though. Before they’d dated, Alex had been his best friend. They told each other everything, and crashed at each other’s houses on the regular. But now things were so weird between them. Alex wouldn’t even spend a moment alone with him since the dance. That night, Luke turned his head just as Alex had left the school gym. He looked tense, in a way that Luke wasn’t familiar with. After the song, Luke had asked Reggie and Bobby what happened.

“All he said is ‘I can’t do this,’ and he walked right out,” said Reggie. Luke knew this was about him. Since Alex had broken up with him and broken his heart, Luke was devastated. He couldn’t let this get in the way of the band. Sunset Curve meant way too much to him for that. He had to move on, and move on quick. He needed the confidence back, and he needed to not let his mind or heart wander to Alex. Luke understood why Alex had done it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be heartbroken. The day after the breakup happened, Luke spent a whole day in bed with ice cream. After finding out that day his body simply couldn’t process all that dairy, he decided he needed another way to cope. He was the kind of guy that a lot of girls liked. He knew in theory it shouldn’t be too hard. But putting himself out there, especially as he had with Alex, was hard. When he loved with the intensity he loved Alex, that was something else he wasn’t sure he could feel for anyone else. And the thought scared him.

But, Luke was walking around town, and he passed Alex’s house, and his heart began to hurt. He sprinted for three blocks after that, and he sat down in a park. A girl from school he knew, Kerry was walking her dog when she saw him. The dog walked over and sniffed his shoes and Luke reached down to pet him. And Kerry did the regular small talk they usually did, but Luke was glum.

“Are you alright?” she asked. “You seem down.”

“Oh, um, yeah, no,” Luke said. “I’m great.” The look she gave him told him she wasn’t convinced. “I’m just going through something. A breakup, actually.”

Kerry offered her sympathies and sat next to him on the bench. They talked for a little while. Luke hadn’t realized how long they’d been talking until the sun started going down. She offered to drive him home, and Luke was thankful. Things evolved when he decided to ask her to the dance a week later. He didn’t tell the guys. He wasn’t sure how. Not with Alex around. He didn’t want to confront his feelings now or ever. Alex would just have to find out when Reggie and Bobby did. What a mistake that proved to be.

Luke led the boys out to a phone booth outside the school, and handed the phone to Reggie.

“What? No! Why me?” asked Reggie.

“You’re the most approachable,” Luke said. He felt like he messed up too much, and he knew Alex was guarded. He knew Alex wouldn’t talk to him off the bat. But if Reggie started the conversation, maybe Alex could open up more.

“It’s not his worst plan,” said Bobby. Reggie begrudgingly agreed, and he felt bad for what Alex could be feeling right now. When Katy picked up, she told them Alex said he wasn’t there. Reggie almost wanted to talk to him just to make sure he was okay, and if Alex needed to vent.

“Alex?” said Reggie. He could hear his heavy breathing on the other end of the line. That was all Luke needed to shove Reggie out of the way and take the phone.

“Hey, I was going to—”

“I need to talk to him,” Luke said, desperation dripping from his voice. “Alex, um, it’s Luke.” He screamed in frustration when Alex hung up without a word.

“I thought you were waiting for me to talk to him!” exclaimed Reggie.

“I know, I know, I just,” Luke sighed. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t want to tell his friends how much this was potentially about him, but he felt on some level they already knew.

Bobby shook his head. “He broke up with you, right? You’re allowed to move on.”

“But I can’t,” Luke said. “And I shouldn’t have been trying to move on while our song was playing.” Luke just felt dirty. He knew he went too far, and it was for nothing, because he wasn’t over Alex and getting over him was just so much easier said than done. 

“Come on, maybe we can catch him at home,” Reggie said leading the group out of the cramped phone booth. “We don’t know for sure if this is about you. No matter what though, Alex needs us.”

“Luke, you are allowed to move on,” Bobby reiterated. Luke shook his head. He was looking at the ground, but under the orange lights from the streetlamps, his friends could see he was crying. When they got to Alex’s they went to his room and let themselves in only to find his room vacant and window open.

“He probably went to the studio,” Reggie said.

“Let’s go,” said Luke.

“He clearly wants some space, Luke,” Reggie said. “I’ll go. Maybe he’ll talk to me. If it’s just one of us he might not be so overwhelmed.”

Luke wasn’t exactly sure what happened in that conversation between Reggie and Alex that night, but something changed. Sure, Alex was avoiding him relentlessly, but he didn’t seem sad anymore. He just seemed…numb. He seemed to be rushing around that last week of school, and it was unknown why until Alex dropped the bomb at band practice that he would be gone, across the country for the whole summer.

“What do you mean you’ll be gone all summer? We can’t play without our drummer,” said Luke.

“You guys can practice without me. Maybe just spend the time writing songs instead,” Alex suggested. “I don’t know, it’s up to you.” He paused for a moment noting the tension in his band mates. “It’s just for the summer, I’m not leaving Sunset Curve, I promise.” He noticed Luke stopped clenching his jaw. “I wouldn’t do that to you guys.”

Luke wasn’t thrilled with the idea of going the entire summer without Sunset Curve’s drummer, or his best friend, but there was nothing he could do about it now. And Alex hadn’t even given him a chance to talk since the dance. However Luke was going to manage going all summer with that on his mind was unknown.

The night before Alex left, Luke couldn’t sleep at all. He was up trying to think about what he would say to Alex in the morning before he drove away for the summer. He tried writing it down. He was always told to write out exactly what he was thinking, but if it wasn’t a song, it wouldn’t do anything. There were words written over and over, crossed out on a piece of paper on his desk in his room. He wished talking about his feelings came easier. This ended in him finally passing out face down on his desk at five o’clock in the morning. He woke up with a jolt a few hours later with his dad closing the front door behind him as he left for work. Luke’s clock read it was eight. He jolted up, changing his shirt and darting out the door to Alex’s to see him off. When he turned the corner to Alex’s street, Reggie and Bobby were on the sidewalk waving to the car that was already too far down the road. Luke sighed, and sat on the curb.

“I can’t believe I missed him,” said Luke. “How am I gonna last the whole summer like this?”

“I think you need a distraction,” said Bobby.

“I have one. Writing songs.” Luke replied.

“Okay, one that won’t make you spiral into your thoughts about Alex,” he said. “Sunset Curve doesn’t do depressing unrequited love songs.”

“Maybe we’ll have to start,” Luke suggested. Unrequited. That one hurt.

“None of that,” said Reggie, pulling Luke up by the arm. He just wanted to cheer his friend up. “Let’s go play some songs on the pier.”

“Nah, I’m not in the mood,” Luke said. He walked to the park down the road where he went the last time he wanted to clear his head after being in proximity of Alex’s house. While he was there, contemplating the nature of things on a bench, Kerry walked by with her dog again. The dog sniffed his shoes again, Luke had no idea why, and she turned and looked at him.

“Hi, Luke,” she said, unsure. He hadn’t exactly addressed what happened at the dance with him running out and all, and he felt a little guilty about it.

“Kerry,” he started. “Hi.” There was a brief pause. He wasn’t sure how to say what he needed to say. “I um, I want to apologize about the dance. My friend was kind of not doing so great, so we went to check on him. And then this whole breakup thing got to me again, and I thought I was doing better than I was, and…it’s just been hard on me. And I’m sorry I brought you into this.”

“Oh,” she said. “Thanks. You’d been acting weird since then, and I wasn’t quite sure what happened.”

“I’m sorry, Kerry,” he said. “A lot happened after that, and I didn’t mean to get weird on you. You’re cool, and you didn’t deserve that.”

“Thanks,” she said. “If you don’t want to talk about what happened that’s fine, I’m just sorry it was bothering you like it was.”

“Me too,” he said. Luke considered Bobby’s words about needing a distraction. He enjoyed Kerry’s presence, but he wasn’t sure she could fill the void left by Alex. Luke could try all he wanted of course, and even if he didn’t exactly feel that way about her, he could at least be friends with her. And who knew? Maybe he could grow to like her like he liked Alex. Alex wasn’t exactly around to take up that kind of mental space. This could potentially be easy. Luke hoped it would be. “Hey, Kerry, can I make it up to you about the dance?”

“Take me on a date and maybe we can call it even,” she said with a smile.

Alex spent the summer learning to like the wilderness surrounding the cabin. He’d learned to fish and how to deal with mosquito bites and tree sap sticking to his clothes when he leaned against the trees. But he also spent the nights that summer looking at the stars and marveling in their beauty. Some nights, Alex felt that even Luke couldn’t measure up to the night sky in all its twinkling glory. But of course, it had been some time away from Luke. Alex wondered if Luke looked at the same stars and wondered if Alex was looking at them too. Alex wondered if Luke would wish on Venus because it was the one of the brightest stars in the sky that summer. Alex wanted to wish on stars, but he wouldn’t out of fear of being ridiculous. What would a star do for him anyway? Bring Luke running back to him? Give him the courage to actually be with Luke? It all seemed so out of reach.

Back in California, Luke looked at the stars, but it was while he was next to Kerry. The two had grown relatively close. She was cool. She knew the stars like Alex did and told him Venus was the bright one, and technically not a star so Luke wouldn’t wish on it by mistake. They spent a lot of time at the pier together, and more than a few times he’d invited her to watch the band rehearse. She seemed to enjoy their music. He forced himself to gush about her to the guys so they wouldn’t worry about him and his heartache over Alex. It seemed to be working. They were particularly convinced when Luke had to explain that he was late to rehearsal because they’d fallen asleep on the beach one night after he played a few songs for her and her friends. On a star that night though, he still wished for Alex as he had every night that summer.

Things became a lot dicier however, when Alex returned from upstate New York at the end of the summer. He almost made Luke regret wishing for him to come back. Alex of course, didn’t tell anyone he was back. He just figured he’d show up at the studio and say hi, but when he got there, the studio was empty of his friends. He walked around. Nothing had really changed. He wasn’t really sure what would change, after all, it was only one summer. He got on the drums and played a little beat. He still had it. He could do this without his feelings for Luke getting in the way. He told himself he felt sure of it as he let out a shaky breath.

Alex was ready to become present to his friends again. The next place he would probably find them is the pier, getting ready to play so they could get tips from the swarm of people that mobbed the place on warm summer nights. He stuck his hands in his pockets and walked. He wasn’t sure if he forgot how far the pier was or if he was just walking slower, trying to hold off the moment he would see Luke again. He didn’t have to rush. He could take his time. Maybe it would help his stomach settle a bit. He took a moment when he got to the pier to gaze out at the ocean. He had to admit, he missed the sight. Alex was glad he took in the wilderness surrounding the log cabin, but there was nothing like the sight of the Pacific just before sunset.

When some familiar voices passed behind him, he turned around and there were Reggie and Bobby walking down the pier. Luke had to be around somewhere, so he turned and walked behind his friends. Eventually, they were lost to the mass of people and Alex was just wandering in the general direction of where they could potentially be playing. He saw Reggie and Bobby staring out at the ocean and a few feet down was Luke, standing with a girl. The same pretty girl from the dance. Alex wondered how much had happened since he left. Were they serious? How serious could things get over the summer? Was Luke totally and completely over him? Alex should have been happy, even thrilled at the thought, but his chest began to tighten. He felt like he could cry if this whole summer spent away and clearing his head was for nothing. The girl pulled Luke close and kissed him and Luke was smiling. His grin went ear to ear. Alex couldn’t watch but before he could turn and run, he caught Luke’s eye. His eyes widened and he pulled from the girl almost immediately. Alex ran far. He was the tallest of the boys, he could certainly get farther than they could. He heard Luke call his name but he refused to turn back. He left the peer and rounded a corner and threw up in a trash can, thankful it was getting dark. 

Back on the pier, Luke was bewildered. How long had Alex been back? Why wouldn’t he say anything to Luke? Luke was suddenly reminded of all the things he wanted to tell Alex, everything that had been itching at him to talk about for the last three months. His heart yearned for him. Sure, he’d enjoyed spending time with Kerry over the summer, but it was nothing compared to what he felt with Alex. Suddenly, Luke was reminded he wasn’t really over their relationship either. In order to be, he would have needed closure. And his feelings for Alex to go away. 

“Alex?” he called after him, watching him turn and rush away.

“Alex?” Reggie asked. He looked around for his friend. “Where is he?”

“He was just there,” Luke pointed. “But he just ran.”

“Why?”

Luke gave him a look. 

“I’ll go find him,” Bobby offered. He was off in an instant.

“Kerry, could you give me and Reggie a minute?” he asked. She turned and walked away to some of her friends, who were hanging around, waiting for the boys to start playing. “He saw her kiss me,” Luke confessed.

“He said he was gonna come back and be over you,” said Reggie.

“What?” asked Luke. “When did he say this?”

“The night of the dance. I found him in the studio, and we talked. He wasn’t over you, dude, he loves you mad,” Reggie explained. “He really wanted to get over you. He said he hated the sneaking around, and lying to his family. He was scared what would happen if they found out.”

“Well, I’m clearly not over him the way I thought I was,” Luke sighed. “Why did he feel like he had to break up with me? We could have worked around it, I-” Luke grew more and more frustrated. His eyebrows furrowed and he crossed his arms in a way that could only remind Reggie of an angry puppy. It would be cuter if Luke wasn’t in genuine distress.

“I don’t know,” said Reggie. “I think that you should ask him.”

“I would if he would even let me talk to him,” said Luke. “He avoided me the whole last week of school. If we don’t work something out, this band is toast. Sure the sun sets, but I don’t want Sunset Curve to set.” Reggie smiled at the metaphor. 

Bobby ran back to the boys, panting out of breath, shaking his head, sweat gleaming under the bright lights of the pier that went on as the sun made its way down. “I couldn’t find him.”

“Damn Alex with his long legs,” Luke huffed. Reggie put his arm around Luke, trying to reassure him, to no avail. “We still gotta play and make some tips tonight, huh.” Bobby nodded sympathetically. On a night like that, where the weather was perfect and people were abundant, it would be stupid not to play and make those tips.

“You’ll talk to him soon,” Reggie said. “I promise.”

Sunset Curve played a collection of their songs that night and their “show” lasted about an hour. The vibe was off though. Luke’s energy simply wasn’t the same. He tried to be normal, and his voice was loud as usual, but his excitement was gone. He couldn’t get Alex off his mind. Was Alex angry with him? Should Luke be angry with Alex? He felt like Alex owed him more closure and a chance to talk, but Luke knew better than anyone how hard talking could be sometimes. Alex knew that too, so why wouldn’t he even try and give Luke the time of day? Luke wondered if he ever even meant anything to Alex at all. They’d been best friends since kindergarten, how could a stupid teenage romance get in the way of all they had together?

After their set, which was shorter than it usually was, Luke bid goodnight to Kerry like he had many nights that summer. But he felt sadder doing it this time. They hopped into Bobby’s minivan and drove back to the studio. They’d never been so thankful Bobby’s mom had given him the car for his birthday. They couldn’t imagine lugging their equipment all the way from the pier back to the studio anymore. 

Alex was laying down in the loft in the studio. He was clearing his head in the most free space he had. He didn’t realize how much time had passed until the garage door opened and his friends came in with their instruments. Staying quiet and close to the ground seemed tempting: maybe if he tried hard enough they wouldn’t notice him. Unfortunately, a sneeze disrupted all of that. So that’s why people dust things, he thought. 

“Alex?” asked Reggie, looking up at him. Alex jumped to his feet.

“Hey,” he said. He made his way down the ladder. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb anyone, I was just, um, clearing my head.”

“No, you’re fine. This is your studio too,” Bobby said.

“I’m just gonna head out,” Alex said, sulking towards the door. 

“Wait!” Luke called. “Alex, I really need to talk to you.” He gulped as Alex stopped dead in his tracks.

“Later. I’m kinda tired,” said Alex.

“I’m tired of your excuses. I want to talk to you now, like I wanted to all summer,” Luke demanded. He wasn’t this assertive when Alex left for New York. 

“We’ll give you guys some space,” said Reggie. Him and Bobby walked out of the garage and left the two boys to their business.

“What’s this about?” Alex asked. Luke could see right through his ignorance and rolled his eyes. “Oh, it’s about that.”

“Alex, I wanted to start by saying I’m sorry about the dance. I don’t think bringing a date without telling anyone and dancing with her to our song was very cool of me. And I felt it the minute I saw you leaving. I went too far, and I mishandled the whole thing, and I’m sorry,” he explained. “But you wouldn’t give me the chance to apologize, or even talk about anything, so I’m mad at you. And then you up and leave for the summer without telling us until the night before?!”

“Look, you’re allowed to move on, and that’s fine, I just wasn’t ready to see it,” Alex said. “That’s why I left.”

“And why weren’t you ready?” asked Luke. Alex felt like he knew where this was going. “Why was it Reggie who told me why you dumped me and not you? Why are you being such a coward about everything?” That sent Alex over the edge.

“Oh, I’m a coward?” he scoffed. “You’re rash, impulsive and stupid and because of this I risked my parents finding out about us too many times for my comfort. And because of this you danced with someone else to our song! Like, can you blame me for wondering if I ever meant anything to you?”

“The way you’re avoiding me makes me wonder the same thing! I tried to move on because it seemed like that’s what you wanted, but now I’m just getting mixed signals. What is going on, Alex?” he asked.

“I broke up with you when I really didn’t want to because everything was so much, and maybe I am a coward, but I’ll take that if it means I can sleep in my own bed at night,” Alex said. “Of course I’m not over you! Dude, you’re my best friend and we have this band now, and being around you all the time was hard!”

“You still up and left for New York all summer without telling us!” Luke shouted. “Without telling me! So much for caring about our band.”

“I do care. I maybe mishandled that too, but I just needed to go and clear my head and it didn’t work because I came back and I saw you and I’m mad that getting over you is so fucking hard,” Alex said. 

“So what do you want?” Luke asked. “To leave the band?” Alex shook his head. “To get back together?”

“No!” Alex shouted. “I don’t know!” The two were quiet. They could hear the cicadas singing their nightly songs outside. “Look, I’m not over you, and I broke up with you so I should be. But it’s hard, but I don’t want to lose you, because I still love you. It’s a lot, and I can’t do this right now, Luke. I’m gonna go home.”

“Typical,” Luke choked. Alex didn’t even turn around to respond to Luke’s venom as he made his way out the garage.

The next few band rehearsals were tense. Luke and Alex were hardly there together. Alex would spend some time practicing in the morning and leave and then Luke would show up and continue. No way was Sunset Curve gonna book a gig anytime soon. This visibly worried Reggie and Bobby, but they knew better than to ask Luke or Alex what happened that night. The last thing they needed was to pick sides or have a blowout that would end Sunset Curve for good. This was between them two and if they needed to talk, they would.

“I feel like I’m forgetting something,” Luke said at practice one day. The hot August sun kept the garage warm and Luke could feel the discomfort of the heat affecting him that day.

“What is it?” asked Reggie.

“Nothing. It's just a feeling. I dunno how to explain it,” he said. “Like there’s something I need to do, or finish because I’m just having a hard time feeling okay.”

“This is about Alex,” Bobby said, making his way over to Luke. Reggie elbowed him in the stomach. “Hey!”

“We weren’t going to bring that up!” Reggie hissed.

“He’s right though,” Luke sighed. “It is about Alex. We’re just so mad at each other. And it feels like...unfinished business.” He couldn’t leave things the way they were, but him and Alex were both mad at each other, and for valid reasons. Luke was the least likely person to swallow his pride and apologize. But he knew that for once, Alex was gonna stand his ground.

“What are you gonna do?” asked Bobby.

“I think I need to apologize,” Luke said.

“Luke Patterson apologizing? That’s a first,” Bobby scoffed.

“I’m mad at him, but we need to work through this if this band is ever gonna work again,” Luke admitted. “It’s about being the bigger person, right?”

“It can be,” said Reggie. “How are you gonna tell him though? You two haven’t been in the same room together almost all week.” The words made Luke twinge, like his heart was stinging.

“I’ll tell him at school tomorrow. I think we have homeroom together right?” Luke said, with a shaky breath. Reggie nodded.

“Good luck,” said Bobby.

On the first day of school, Luke was actually anxious. He wasn’t used to feeling this way. At least he felt that he understood Alex a little better now. He got to homeroom early, a first, and sat down and took out his notebook while he waited. He chewed on his pen cap, but couldn’t concentrate on writing though, as he was too preoccupied staring at the door waiting for Alex. Alex was usually early to homeroom. Luke wondered what had changed. He knew something was wrong when the bell rang and Alex still wasn’t there. Luke scoured the room, thinking that maybe he missed him somehow, but he didn’t. In the hallway that morning he spotted Alex walking with Bobby. Luke found Reggie and pulled him aside.

“That sneaky little bastard switched homerooms so he wouldn’t have to see me,” Luke hissed.

“That’s a bit much, don’t you think?” asked Reggie.

“Did you tell him we had homeroom together?”

“I casually mentioned it,” Reggie said, staring at the ground. “Look, I felt bad knowing and not telling him. If I can avoid throwing surprises at Alex, I will.” Luke groaned. At that moment, Kerry walked up next to him.

“Hey babe, wanna walk to class with me?” she asked sweetly. Reggie took the opportunity to slip away.

Luke was uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of the day. In the hallway before class, he had broken it off with Kerry. Everything was too much and he felt bad leading her on when he was so sidetracked by Alex, and that he still wasn’t over everything. He felt bad because she liked him, and he enjoyed the time they spent together. But he felt they weren't meant for anything more than a summer thing. Luke sulked through the halls that day, feeling upset about how upset he made Kerry while wallowing in guilt at how he messed up so badly with Alex, but forced himself to remember Alex also messed up. Alex avoiding him was the biggest mistake only because he kept doing it. If Alex could actually be open with Luke, who was supposed to be his best friend, and talk to him about what was bothering him honestly, maybe they could work through things together. But Alex just kept avoiding him and hoped things would get better on their own, which they wouldn’t, as they hadn’t the last two times Alex had done this. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results was insanity. Even Luke knew that much.

“You can’t keep avoiding him,” Reggie said to Alex in the studio after school. “You’re driving him crazy.”

Alex kept looking down, guilty. “I just. I don’t know what to do or say.”

He wasn’t wrong. After his last conversation with Luke, Alex wasn’t sure what came next. He felt it getting in the way of the band, the one thing he promised wouldn’t happen. He was trying to figure things out. Get back together with Luke and try this again? Swallow his pride and try to make things right and apologize even though he was rightfully mad and conflicted? Move on like normal and never speak of their relationship again? He knew he loved Luke, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to move into the romantic territory again. Luke was a wild spirit, he always was. It took a lot for Alex to keep up. Why couldn’t Luke ever slow down for Alex? Maybe he did. In which case, Alex almost laughed at wild Luke would be if he weren’t holding him back. He had to admit, their friendship always brought balance to one another. With Luke, Alex felt safe. He felt brave, and confident, like he could tackle the world and win. He wanted that back. He just needed to know if Luke would give him another chance. They just needed to be better. Bring that balance to each other, the band, their music, set clear boundaries, and respect them, and above all, be friends again. Alex never realized how comfortable Luke made him. He didn’t realize he could have another home and that it was Luke.

“I think I want him back, Reggie,” Alex said. Reggie raised his eyebrows. “I worry too much, and Luke, he brings this balance and I feel so beyond okay with him. He makes me safe, and happy, and like he will always be there, and be anything I’ll ever need.”

“I mean, you two have been best friends for like, your whole lives,” Reggie said. The chemistry and love between Luke and Alex had been so obvious and so present. Without it, it felt like there was a fifth member of Sunset Curve who’d tragically gone missing.

“And we will continue to be. But I want him like this too,” Alex said. “I really want him.” Alex giggled the tears out of his eyes. Reggie put his arm around his happily sobbing and/or laughing friend.

“Come on,” Reggie said. “Let’s find Bobby. He can drive you to Luke’s.”

Meanwhile, Bobby was at Luke’s brainstorming lyrics. Bobby sat on the counter watching Luke intently chewing on a pen cap thinking about words.

“What are you trying to write about? You seem troubled,” Bobby noted.

“What do you think?” replied Luke. “I tried to throw something together in homeroom to give Alex, but he switched out, and I’ve been distracted about it.”

“I could tell,” said Bobby. This was the most off Luke had ever been. His energy was so different. He was shaking like a walking earthquake. With all the fault lines in California, Bobby was shocked Luke didn’t set one off.

“How are there a million ways to say what I want to say and yet none of them are perfect?”

“You’ve never been one for planning. Just go talk to him and wing it,” Bobby suggested. “What do you want out of this anyway, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Luke considered this. He loved Alex. He always had and always will. He just didn’t want to lose him. Luke wasn’t good at being Alex’s ex, but he wasn’t the perfect boyfriend either. And he just wanted another chance to be with Alex and do it well. They’d both been so nervous being in a serious relationship with their best friend that it just seemed to get in the way of a lot of things. But Luke knew one thing: he loved Alex and he wouldn’t let anything get in the way of that anymore.

“I wanna make things right,” Luke admitted. “I love him, and I wanna be with him. I wanna give this another shot. For real.” Bobby smiled and nodded.

“Come on, you romantic doofus,” he said, pulling Luke by the arm. “I’m gonna drive you to Alex’s.”

In the car, Luke kept drumming on his thighs, taking a deep breath every few seconds. Luke was thankful they weren’t walking because that would mean he would have more time to delve into the what-if’s of Alex turning him down. But he didn’t think the car ride would be so quick that he wouldn’t have enough time to mentally prepare himself for shooting his shot. He rang the doorbell, and Alex’s sister opened the door happy to see Luke and Bobby, but had to deliver the news that Alex wasn’t there.

“To the studio!” Bobby declared and he and Luke got back in the car driving a few miles to the garage. Luke kept on with his nervous drumming. “You okay there, buddy?”

“What happens if he says no?”

“I gotta say, seeing you nervous is kinda funny,” said Bobby.

“Bobby!”

“He’s not gonna say no,” he replied.

“What if he does?” asked Luke. “Then what? Are we gonna go on and be awkward and avoid each other and fight? Is Sunset Curve gonna end before we even get a chance to begin? This is my thing. This is what I wanna do. I don’t wanna lose that because of what’s going on with me and Alex.”

“You sound like Alex, getting so nervous over what-if’s,” Bobby said. “Come on, you’ll do great. You love him, and honestly, Alex would be crazy not to take you back. You’re so cute.”

Luke chuckled. That, and Luke made a resolve that things wouldn’t be like they were the first time around. No more jitters, or not being open, and telling each other the truth even when it was difficult. Luke was so ready for this. He held that thought in his heart and began garnering his usual confidence back.

Alex and Reggie were traveling across town on their feet, heading to Luke’s house as they’d done hundreds of times before. Going to Bobby’s was a bust, so they were going to do the next best thing: going right to Luke’s. Alex’s hands were in his pockets and were feeling clammier by the second. Reggie noticed the paleness in his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think if you were trying to win back someone you really messed up with, and they know you really messed up, and this is starting to seem more and more unrealistic and crazy, you would probably be pretty nervous too,” Alex said.

“You don’t need to worry, Alex,” Reggie reassured him. “Luke loves you, and that won’t change. He’s been dying to talk and I think he wants you back.”

“Really?”

“He’d be crazy not to,” Reggie said earnestly. He cracked a grin. “You’re so cute, and dreamy, and ugh, your eyes are piercing…”

Reggie trailed on with his exaggerated chain of entirely true compliments. Alex smiled at the effort and he was so thankful for Reggie. What a lovable doofus. He let him trail on the rest of the way to Luke’s house. When they got to his doorstep, Alex took a deep breath.

“Take as long as you need,” Reggie said. Alex knew he’d always be nervous and not ready enough, so he just rang the bell. “Damn. That took no time at all.”

Only, after that, the door didn’t open. After a few minutes of waiting, Alex led Reggie around the back and hid behind some bushes and peered into the empty kitchen.

“I don’t think he’s home,” said Alex.

“Should we check Bobby’s again?”

“Ugh, that’s even farther,” Alex groaned. “Let’s just go back to the studio. They’re prone to show up at some point, y’know?”

They sulked back to the studio after their failed mission. Alex’s confidence was draining. He started to question whether or not this was a sign from the universe. Maybe he shouldn’t go after Luke after all. 

He had to stop thinking this way. He hadn’t had an entire summer’s emotional journey reflecting on love and Luke just to give up. He would get him back. He would prove the universe wrong as soon as he got the chance.

Reggie and Alex waited in the studio for what felt like hours, Alex pacing relentlessly, too nervous to even wail on his drums. Alex continued to pace and Reggie watched.

“Alex, I don’t know how to tell you this, but it’s been maybe ten minutes.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous,” Alex said. He sat next to Reggie on the couch and wiped off his sweaty hands. 

“Gross,” Reggie chuckled.

“You think you’re funny,” Alex replied. “Have you seriously never had sweaty hands before?”

Before Reggie could answer, the garage door swung open and Luke and Bobby came waltzing through, Luke with his usual swagger. Or doing a really good job feigning it. Alex was thankful they came in after the sweaty hands comment nonetheless. 

“Luke,” Alex said. Luke almost looked surprised that Alex initiated a conversation. “I need to—”

“I need to talk to you,” Luke said.

“Yeah,” Alex said. “I do too.”

Reggie and Bobby slipped out the garage again hoping this conversation would go better than the last one they left Luke and Alex alone for.

“You first,” Alex said. Luke almost wanted to be courteous and insist Alex go first, but he really wanted to talk.

“Thanks,” Luke said. He sat on the couch leaving space between them. “I wanted you to know that our relationship wasn’t the best.”

“Great start,” Alex chuckled. Luke glared at him. “Sorry.”

“I think I got caught up in being excited about finally being with you that I kinda got carried away. And I’m sorry. Reggie told me why you broke up with me, and Alex, you’re my best friend before anything else. And I want you to know you can talk to me. I care about you, and I want to be with you, and that means we have to talk to each other when something’s bothering us or we’re worried about something. I thought maybe this relationship was just doomed, and that’s why I tried to move on, but I just got so wrapped up in trying and not really feeling anything that I stepped too far. I’m sorry I danced to “Dreams” by the Cranberries with Kerry,” Luke said. He let out a shaky breath. “If you’re willing, I wanna give us another try.”

“Can I talk?” asked Alex. The question itself was stalling. He was letting out his shaky breaths before he could say what he wanted to. “Okay, I’m sorry I broke up with you. I felt crowded and unsure how to do this whole relationship-with-my-best-friend-slash-bandmate thing. I should have talked to you and my nerves got the better of me, and it was so hard for me to imagine this working out. You should hear the way my parents talk at home sometimes. I wanted to get over you and move on, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going to New York. If it’s any consolation, I didn’t get over you. I came back just as in love with you as I was when I left.” Alex stopped short realizing what he’d said.

“Alex?” Luke held Alex’s hand.

“I fucked up big time with the love thing didn’t I?” Alex said. 

“I was gonna say I love you too,” Luke replied.

“Okay, okay,” Alex blushed. God, he looked like a tomato. He squeezed Luke’s hand, thankful this was Luke. “I promise I won’t avoid you anymore. We’re gonna talk about our feelings when we need to. My nerves kinda get in the way of everything, but I’m not gonna let that happen so much anymore. I wanna give this a second try too.”

“Thank you, Alex,” Luke said. The look he was giving Alex was so intense. Both of them looked down smiling, realizing neither had let the other’s hand go. “Can I freaking kiss you already?” Luke was practically pleading.

Alex pulled Luke close, getting rid of any space between them. Alex never knew anything could feel so loud and still feel so right. He never knew love could for that matter.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I know it's not exactly canon that Alex and Luke dated and that the actors only kinda talked about it a little in an Instagram Live or something, but I think that dynamic is really interesting to explore and adds a new layer to their characters so I wanted to write about it. I hope you enjoyed it!


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